Thursday, November 27, 2008
Goldi(locks) and the Three Bears
Once upon a time there was a little girl named Goldi who lived in a house in the forest. Now Goldi was a bit eccentric and one peculiar trait about her was that she did everything in threes. One morning, after getting out of her three beds (a big one for her head, a medium one for her back, and small one for her feet) she went downstairs to read the newspaper. Climbing into her three chairs (a big one for her back, a medium one for her rear, and a small one for her feet), she picked up her newspaper and began to read. After scanning the comics and international news headlines, she realized she was hungry, climbed out of her three chairs, and went into the kitchen. There she saw a giant pot of porridge her mother had made sitting on the stove. Dishing it out into her three bowls (a big bowl, a medium bowl, and a small bowl), she set them on the table and took a bite. "Ouch, this porridge is too hot!" she exclaimed. And with that, Goldi decided to go for a walk in the forest. Grabbing her coat and closing the door behind her, she left the house.
Now a family of three bears just happened to be passing by the house and they smelled the porridge through the kitchen window. This family consisted of a Daddy Bear, a Mommy Bear, and a Baby Bear. Being hungry, the Daddy Bear nosed open the door and went in to the kitchen, followed by the Mommy and Baby Bear. The Daddy bear went up to the big bowl of porridge on the table and took a bite. "Growl!" he growled (bears can't talk, of course), because the porridge was too hot. He knocked the bowl onto the floor, spilling the porridge all over, and began to lap it up. Meanwhile, the Mommy Bear had eaten up the porridge in the medium bowl as it was a more agreeable temperature (the porridge in this story obeys the laws of thermodynamics). The Baby Bear whined at his parents because the porridge in the small bowl was too cold. The Mommy Bear growled at him and he reluctantly ate it up. After their breakfast, the three bears migrated into the living room and spied the three chairs. Selecting the chair appropriate for their size, each bear took a seat. However, none of the three chairs was sturdy enough to hold a bear's weight and all three broke with a crunch. The Daddy Bear roared, the Mommy Bear growled, and the Baby Bear whined some more. After strewing the pieces of broken chair around the room, the bears went upstairs to Goldi's bedroom. Seeing the three beds, the Bear family laid down and soon all three were snoring loudly.
Now Goldi returned home from her walk and was surprised to see the front door open. Cautiously venturing into the kitchen, Goldi saw her three bowls either licked clean or scattered in pieces on the floor. "Somebody's been eating my porridge," she said. Next she went into the living room and saw the broken mess of her three chairs. "Somebody's been sitting in my chairs, and they've broken them to pieces." Stooping to inspect the damage, she heard a rumbling noise coming from upstairs. She tiptoed up the stairs and peeked into her bedroom. When she saw the three bears in her beds, she screamed loudly, "Somebody is sleeping in my beds!" This frightened the Bear family so much, that they woke with a start and tumbled past Goldi down the stairs and out of the house.
After this incident (with appropriate "Bear Sighting" reports being filed with the local Forest Service), Goldi immediately had her father install three locks on the door of their house. Now, every time Goldi goes out for a walk, she takes her keychain out of her pocket and locks the door behind her, with a big lock, a medium lock, and a small lock. She has never had trouble with bears again, but her friends have since called her Goldilocks, since they have to wait for her to unlock the door whenever they come to play.